Melissa M. Dunn 
This wealthy MAFS husband was brutally rebuffed by his sexy wife in a blistering teardown that let him go with a bang. James Weir recaps.
Wife at first sight sternly informs wealthy husband that he might not be good looking enough for her before vaguely reciting lyrics from JLo song telling him she doesn’t care how much money he has because his love doesn’t cost a thing.
It’s a humiliating blow to his ego. Particularly because wild comments are being served as he wears an expensive designer blazer that makes him look like he’s working as a valet at a fancy hotel.
We feel for him. But at least it’s not as bad as what another groom endures tonight, when he’s forced to curl up in a guest bedroom and shoot a Blair Witch-style SOS video on his home phone. .
SUMMARY BY JAMES WEIR: Read all summaries here
It’s the day after Kate and Matt’s wedding and we’re worried. When we last saw her, she made it clear that she wasn’t happy with the husband the pundits matched her with.
We’re guessing she’ll feel even more uneasy when she sees this footage of him watching her sleep.
When they arrive at their honeymoon destination, Kate winces as she realizes their Airbnb consists of one open-plan room. She checks the closet to see if it’s big enough for her to sleep in.
Yes, Kate has made it clear that she didn’t feel an immediate spark with Matt – but she’s ready to see if those feelings grow. And it’s not like she was Rude. Just look! They are having a great time!
“Do you want to do it again,” Matt asks his wife jokingly about marriage.
“With someone else?” she half laughs, joking but somehow not really.
A producer takes her aside to see how she feels.
“Are you having fun?” they ask.
Kate doesn’t answer. She just gives this face:
Kate is clearly enjoying the early days of her marriage and we don’t want to intrude further, so we ditch her and head over to Dom and Jack to see if the toilet still hasn’t been flushed.
“I thought we were having a great time,” Dom tells her husband impatiently, unable to see he’s mortified at being shamed on national TV for not blushing.
“I don’t like you talking about something I did that was an accident and it’s embarrassing – and you laugh about it with everyone,” he tries to explain in a calm tone. and rational.
“His funnysays Dom.
“Well, for me it’s annoying“, he refutes.
Not to look like that boring girl from Old El Paso, but it was both.
Can you believe we’re still inducting lunatics into the MAFS madhouse? Yes, we are bound to attend another wedding tonight. Conspiracy theory: Married at first sight is actually a government funded program to keep these crazies from threatening society for a few months.
Jessica and Daniel are the new entries. The wedding goes well, and then we cut to them drinking moonshine on the dusty patio of a rural cabin.
Their hands are intertwined and they sit in comfortable silence. It’s as if they had just met, but also as if they had lived a thousand lives together, all at the same time. The silence is filled with the buzz of flies electrocuted by the nearby bug lamp. This day couldn’t be more perfect.
“I swear, when I get my real life wedding, it’s going to be so much more convenient,” Jessica breaks the silence. “(I will wear) tracksuits.”
Daniel drops his wife’s hand. Marriage in real life? But this has been a real wedding! Good. Real. Sort of. At least this marriage hasn’t been crushed by the other MAFS crazy, like the ones last night.
Hurt and offended, Daniel runs into the next room. He thinks he’s being used by some chick who just wants to watch TV for a few weeks.
“I just don’t know if it’s genuine,” he says, shaking his head at a producer.
“Have you ever seen this show?” laughs the producer.
Anyway, he goes back to the patio and she says it’s all a misunderstanding. When she said “real marriage” she meant the real marriage they would have together after the show, without the cameras. He believes her. maybe really East love. Or maybe it’s moonlight.
Meanwhile, one of our other new couples, Carolina and Dion, are enjoying the first day of their honeymoon. I’m very good. Until Carolina finds out her new husband is coming with a ton of baggage.
Carolina may be a classy woman, but that’s not necessarily a quality she likes in her guys. And she’s not impressed when Dion shows her his elaborate collection of designer eyewear.
Dion loves the finer things in life and he’s not ashamed to let the world know that. For him, everything revolves around luxury: cars, clothes, watches. This is the world he lives in and he wants his wife to be part of it.
So he throws an oyster feast at a restaurant to impress her. He even wears his special edition Château Marmont embroidered Gucci blazer which sells for around $3,000. Now, while he East dear, it makes him look a bit like working as a valet at the Chateau Marmont.
Either way, it’s the perfect way to introduce a little romance on the first day of their honeymoon. But the romance goes against the producers’ story, and The Sledge Box is quickly thrown on the table.
We all know the drill: that cursed box is filled with questions designed to insult each other.
You do not believe me ? Let’s hear the question.
“Are you attracted to me? And am I your usual type? Dion pulls out a card and reads it aloud.
OK, we know exactly what’s going to happen here. Predictable? May be. Satisfactory? Always.
“You’re not my usual type,” Carolina said with a shrug. “I don’t want to look mean because I think there’s potential…but I don’t think I’m attracted to you yet.”
And that’s it.
Look, we respect his honesty and we’re sure Dion will take it with grace-
“I have to go to the bathroom,” he calls from the table, his chair legs creaking as they scrape against the marble slabs. “Okay, well…I a m attracted to you. So… that makes at least one of us. So here is.”
Dion leaves – and that’s fine. Give him a break. We don’t follow him – that would just be rude. The man is clearly hurt and the last thing he needs is two cameras in his face. We show him some respect by leaving him alone and talking behind his back with Carolina.
“Do I think Dion is good looking enough for me?” she asks. “Do you think Dion is good looking enough for me? Probably all his life he had daughters to pretend be attracted to him. Because of his money. So he’s probably never been rejected much and now he’s like… doesn’t know how to take it.
We are amazed. It was a rather vicious assessment of her new husband. It looks like instant judgment. It’s almost as if she hadn’t thought of her husband’s pleasant qualities. Like, maybe he’ll let her borrow his fancy Gucci blazer?
When Dion returns, we think he’s calmed down, but the fight isn’t over. He only came back to get his handbag. They will end this argument in the privacy of their hotel room.
But Carolina is a feisty woman and she doesn’t hesitate to further insult her husband in the middle of an oyster bar. Usually we think that’s incredibly rude. But she’s just following the rules of The Sledge Box.
“Can I tell you honey? I’ll tell you,” she speaks over him.
There’s a message she wants to get across very clearly: she’s not looking for a sugar daddy. Yes, Dion is only a year older than her. But that doesn’t stop her from slapping him around like he’s some weird old man spamming her on a specialized dating app.
“We all know you have some money. And girls probably claim to be attracted to you because of it,” she says. “And I’m not that kind of girl. I love money, who doesn’t? But I’m not going to fake something just because someone has money.
Good. There’s absolutely NO WAY he’s letting her borrow his fancy Gucci blazer now.
We’d love to hang out more, but the oysters are gone and things really couldn’t get any more humbling than this. Plus, The Sledge Box is doing the rounds tonight and we’d just be distraught if we missed newlyweds Jessica and Daniel being forced to do passive aggressive digs on each other.
Hey, Jess, do you want to start with a box question?
“If you could change anything about me – physically – what would it be?” she goes rogue and invents her own question.
Daniel is a gentleman. He’s not going to recite a list of all the things he would change about his wife’s appearance. But neither will he say that he would not change one thing. So he does the only thing he can do:
“It just puts me in a position to look like a dick,” he says. “It’s like asking me to hurt you. It was a trap. 100 per cent. She will twist my words.
Yes, Daniel. It’s not a secret. This is Married at first sight. Of course, it’s a trap! Now tell us what you hate about your wife’s appearance so we can make an offensive sound bite out of it to put in the promo!
No answer is enough for Jessica.
“Well, that’s just an answer in itself because you’re saying there East things you want to change that would hurt me,” she raises her eyebrows.
“OK, so you’re saying I’ve already hurt your feelings – I’m not going to double hurt your feelings,” he refutes, citing the same scientific textbook that experts use.
This argument leads nowhere. They both storm off and spend the night in different rooms. They just need to sleep on it. It will be better tomorrow morning-
“It’s 1am…the last night of our honeymoon,” Daniel appears onscreen in raw Blair Witch-style footage, filmed on a phone.
Everything is dark. Looks like he’s hiding in a closet.
“I woke up to the sound of Jess on the phone talking about me,” he frantically tells us. “She swears her head off.”
And then the images cut out.
It’s worrying. Regarding. We don’t know how this situation will end.
So… Ah… Dion is a valet?
TwitterFacebook: @hellojamesweir
